ClearView Writing

Report of Violence Outbreak on Scarborough Beach.

Summary: Three men from varying parts of the UK (England, Scotland & Ireland) where found to be possibly intoxicated and delusional on Scarborough beach. The English man and the Scotsman where beating up the unfortunate Irish man with some vigour.

Police Report

Officer Daniels (First at scene): As I patrolled the beach area with Officer Pimms (Hospitalised) I observed two men down on the beach one seemed fairly ordinary the other however was a strangely dressed figure. I could not help but notice his weird turban like headgear and decided to go and investigate, incase of terrorism.

When I reached the beach there were three men involved in a loud shouting match. I noted down one charge of disturbing the peace and proceeded to caution the men, upon which the Scottish red headed man assaulted Officer Pimms with what appeared to be a fresh coconut.

It was at this point that the Englishman and the Scotsman both attacked the Irishman once more and I was forced to call for back up, all mention of me found cowering behind the fallen Officer Pimms is untrue.

Prisoner Interview – John Smith (Under some delusion), Interviewing Officer Harding

Statement

My two colleagues and I were on vacation at Scarborough bay for a mini weekend away. We work in a small partnership as an IT firm, building websites. I lead the group though.

On this mini vacation we were walking along the beach, it was a bit nippy out but not too bad. We decided to skim some stones into the sea, but as my hand went digging for a suitable stone my fingers brushed upon the smooth texture of the lamp.

I looked over the lamp, it seemed surprisingly new, all three of us where crowding over it.

I brushed the lamp to clean the sand off it, upon which a large turban bound man appeared in a cloud of smoke.

He announced in a booming voice, “Your Wish Is My Command, I grant you three wishes to gain whatever your heart would desire”, quite cliché but also damned surprising.

At first all three of us wanted the lamp for ourselves, but we had been together for a long time, so in the end it was decided we would each take a wish

As the senior I took the first wish, I spent some time thinking about this, money, happiness or love? In the end I opted for 10 million pounds. With a pop and a rush I found myself in my house swimming in money.

<Silence>

Officer Harding:

And then what happened?

<Prisoner refused to speak>

Prisoner Interview – Glen McHaggis (Also Delusional)

Interviewing Officer: Steven Grewer

Ach, sae I was there with mae two coalleagues from the office, it wae a pretty warm day oot and wae going alright. Then the English prick wanted tae do some pansy rock throwing. I Did’nae like the idea but as we walked towards the shore mae eyes fell upon the golden lamp. I pointed it out and the thieving Englishman jumped fore an claimed mae lamp.

As I took it off the wee runt mae sleeve brushed the side of the lamp, “Bejeezus sconner” I yelled as this huge turk baerstard appeared out of nowhere ya ken.

The bigjob gave us three wishes tae do with what we wished, the English scum jumped in first, aye he was vanished off in a puff o’ smoke.

Thae Irishman didnae seem too fussed so I picked up the lamp and thought aboot what I wanted. Within ae second I found mesen on a tropical beach with 5 naked beautiful ladies massaging me. I can tell you, I was in heaven.

<Silence>

Officer Grewer: “And then what happened?”

<Prisoner Refused to Speak>

Prisoner Interview – Connor Murphy (Probably Delusional)

Interviewer Officer Howard

Well we where walking down the beach on her holidays, and I was in a bit of a state so I was, my head was banging from the night, I thought to myself, isn’t this just lovely, before I noticed the other two had run off. I tuned over to see them talking to this strange strange man, huge he was, and wearing the eastern cloths.

Within seconds the other lads had disappeared and I was left by myself, all alone on the beach.

The big guy wasn’t much conversation and I was getting awful lonely. The howling wind had picked up and I was starting to suffer from a real chill. The pub was tempting, but I did not fancy drinking on my own, that’s when I muttered, “I wish the other two were here”

Summary

All three charged with disturbing the peace and giving false evidence. No lamp was found and the three have been given court dates.

Prologue

Officer Daniels was sat in the pub with his two friends, Daron O’Reilly and Will McGonagall.

That was a strange day alright he said, but at least, he shifted a sly grin from side to side, I got this golden lamp out of it, must be worth a few bob. As he said that he gave the lamp a quick rub with his sleeve to bring out the shine…